Monday, July 8, 2013

I Hate Summer

I don't get why it's called the Dog Days of Summer. Dogs are fluffy and gregarious creatures that you cuddle with and take for walks and generally have a good time around. Summer, on the other hand, is more like a giant squid made out of fire that tackles you and then devours you slowly while you scream for help, except that no one hears you because your voice is being muffled by the tentacles of a fiery death-squid.

People love the squid, though. They fucking go nuts about summer. Everywhere, ads involving swimsuits and sundresses and an inexplicable amount of plastic shovels in grass abound. People talk about working on their tan. Going camping. Eating watermelon. Meanwhile, I'm over in the corner of Starbucks with a hot chai and a hoodie, trying not to get frostbite in the air-conditioning because the alternative is going outside and getting eaten by the squid.

Maybe I don't get all the summer hype because I was homeschooled as a child. I never got to experience the exhilaration and freedom of summer break the way my peers did. For me, every day was "school," since my mother, an Early Childhood Education major, believed that kids are programmed to learn and if you just let them run around a bunch, they'll automatically learn shit. This proved to be correct; I learned a LOT of shit just by playing with my toys (for example, if you drop a plastic dinosaur and a teddy bear off the roof at the same time, they'll fall at the same rate) and generally causing minor mayhem. Plus we went to the library every week and I was in theater and violin lessons and all that. So whenever summer rolled around, all my public-schooled friends would come over during the late morning hours and try to get me to do fun, summery things.

I tried hard to see the appeal, but really I wanted to be inside reading a book with a fan blowing.

This was in California. New Mexico summers turned out to be much worse.

People tried to defend the summers here. "New Mexico is great!" they'd say. "No humidity!"

That's great, overly optimistic person, but you know what else doesn't have humidity? Fire. You're trying to convince me that standing around in a fucking barbecue grill was better than standing around in a crock pot. Either way, you're still going to die if you stay in the damn thing. So I sit in my Starbucks in my thick hoodie and long for fall.

New Mexico does have one redeeming feature of summer though: Huge-ass thunderstorms. They come in with hurricane force sometimes, flooding the arroyos that run through Albuquerque and turning the streets into muddy slush. Sometimes they don't last long, and even when they do, everything dries out within a matter of hours. But that's okay. They're beautiful, and they hold the squid off for awhile, and they make everything glisten, and that's what matters.

This post was written for the AbsoluteWrite July 2013 Blog Chain. Check out the list of other participating bloggers! Blog chains are cool, let's all do them.

Participants and posts:
orion_mk3 - 
Ralph Pines - 
articshark - 
Sunwords - 
Diem_Allen - 
U2Girl - 
Lady Cat - 
MsLaylaCakes - 
pyrosama - 
Angyl78 - 
SuzanneSeese - 
Diana_Rajchel - 
HistorySleuth - 
AshleyEpidemic - 
SRHowen - 


  1. Nice read.
    You would not believe how many people here in Jordan share your opinion. Summer? Yes, fine, where is the AC? Some actually feel happy at the sight of the first clouds in autumn, or more with the first rain (given the fact that we are no. 4 on the countries having VERY less water, no wonder).
    I still like summer and sunshine, as long as no one forces me to go outside and doing summer things. But the warmth and dry air keep me in good health.

  2. I remember those dry heat arguments. lol They do have a point. If you've ever been in 90-100% humidity and it is smoking hot, well, 0% humidity is preferred. That's all I can say after experiencing both.

    Love the giant squid visualization, though. :)

  3. In Florida, we also have huge thunderstorms...often! I'm loving your cartoons. If you do them yourself, you're very talented.

  4. Really fun read. The squid metaphor was something I would never have thought of but a perfect way to describe extremely hot weather. --MsLaylaCakes

  5. Wonderful writing. AI know every word is true. I believe the "dog days" has to do with the star that went into Nova and is long gone. It's name had something to do with a dog. Or maybe not. Dogs were fur all summer and pant a lot in the , and you can't tell me that's fun. How do I join the blog chain? I've vowed to blog more often. Soon.

    1. Hey Sandy! I'm part of this awesome writer's forum called AbsoluteWrite. The blog chain can be found over there.

  6. While I don't share your fear of squid and being set on fire by the sun, I do share the joy of sitting in Starbucks or Panera with my laptop and a piping hot mocha. Northeast Ohio has a short summer, for me anyway, so I can be found baking in the sun by the pool. Starbucks I save for raining days.

  7. Those cartoons are adorable, to say nothing of managing to fit squid into a landlocked post :D